Articles

Possessed

Mathaichan sees his mother standing in the courtyard. She is about to say something to his father. His maternal uncle is also standing nearby. Having observed the scene, when Mathaichan took an analytical look at his mother, he wondered if it was his own mother standing there.

What made you think so? “Guru asked.”

‘Guru, had I been attributing my own impressions on her?’

‘On whom?’

On that woman standing there.

‘Why?’

‘When my father looks at her doesn’t that woman take the form of a wife? And the uncle, won’t he be seeing his sister in her?’

Well-said Mathai. What are we to understand from this? A lot of what we perceive around us as reality are seen by each in his own way and understood as such.

That’s why, as someone said long ago, if a hundred men were to cross a bridge and enter another country, for them it would be as if they had crossed hundred bridges and entered hundred countries.

‘Guru, your explanation is great’

Is that why people call man a ‘dog’ and mother a ‘mother-bird’? Those who have imagination and a literary inclination would make mother a bird. The less resourceful ones would call man a dog. Let’s forget how greater, more grateful and more loving is dog than man.

‘If married couples say they have seen and still see each other every day it’s a lie.

Did you have a careful look at your wife’s face today? Was your husbands face sad or grave?’

No, I didn’t notice anything. Who gets the time to watch all that? After all, isn’t she my wife, and he my husband? Yes. In this drama called life, wife and husband are mere roles we play, aren’t they? Do you get to see the real man and woman who play these roles as individuals? Have you ever noticed? Mostly not.

Every husband has a mental picture about how his wife should behave and every wife has hers in her turn. And each tries to impose their ideas on their partners.

‘Mathaichan’s eyes sparkled. Where are the real men and women?’

“When a couple enters wedlock they carry along with them two cots as well, says Guru.”

‘What, Guru, cots?’

“Yes. It’s the cot of the Procrustes. This handsome giant is from Greek mythology. After eight in the night he’d wait on the road outside his beautiful mansion. He’d beckon any weary traveler passing by telling them, “Beloved, you won’t get any food to eat or place to rest if you go ahead. If you come along with me I’ll provide you with every thing.”

That means hospitality, Mathaichan thought. Does that word have anything to do with hospital? Mathaichan mused. God alone knows. Leave this play of words and let the story go on, said Mathaichan to himself.

The traveler follows Procrustes to the mansion. How elegant! Whatever you ask for, there it is. You want the water hot, cold or lukewarm? What kind of dress do you prefer? A night suit? There it is. Vegetarian or non-vegetarian? The guest, letting out a belch, gets up fully satisfied with the hospitality.

The guest would then be ushered into a bedroom. The giant who gave the guest the freedom to choose what he liked till then, thrusts a condition upon him there. The guest must sleep on the cot provided. The man’s height should exactly fit the length of the cot. If he is too long his legs or head would be chopped off to fit him in. If he is too short he’d be stretched to that length. Either way the guest will be disfigured. This is the greatness of the fable of the cot.

Here what’s the cot the couple brings along? Tell me, Guru. This poor Mathaichan doesn’t know. Otherwise I’d have had a go.

Try to list your parents’ strengths and weaknesses. Two each.

Father was a philanthropist. He was very affectionate, though he never displayed it.

He was short tempered, but cooled down fast. He was a private tippler. He was mostly away from home, busy as he was with others’ business. As for mother, she expressed her love openly. She’d comfort us. She was a stubborn lady. If she came across something undesirable she’d pull a long face for three or four days. She’d accuse her husband’s family of being mean.

Remember those affectionate moments between your parents, their fights, their accusations against each other and the tactics they came up with to gain the upper hand. Then examine if these good or bad characteristics have somehow influenced your behaviour knowingly or unknowingly.

‘Guru, there are two logical flaws here. Children are not the carbon copies of their parents, are they? Don’t they have their own acquired behavioral patterns?’

‘I didn’t say they don’t. What I suggested was to examine the extent of influence parents have?’

Secondly a friend of mine having lost his parents in childhood grew up with his uncle. So, where and how does the influence of the parents come into play?

You dimwit, what I meant was that your paternal or maternal characteristics are influenced by who ever brought you up. After the marriage party the relatives would take leave. Then they say it’s up to you to live your life as man and wife. But nobody told you how.

Poor Mathai and his better half Sosamma arrive at the bridal chamber on the first night. They share the customary glass of milk. Now what to say? Where to begin the conversation? This is where cot’s influence plays its part. There come to their mind all that their parents had told them and what they had seen in movies and TV serials. The first night it is! The film critics of yore had a stock comment that the ‘leading actors just about managed’ in acting. So also on the first night Mathaichan and his bride just about managed.

Next day onwards the spouses would start stretching or chopping each other to suit the cots they’ve made according to their whims and fancies. This is what is known as quarreling, bickering…

If the girl’s mother was the boss, or the ‘Mathai’ of her house, the newly married bride would also try to boss over her husband. If the boy’s father were a tyrant at home the bridegroom would also behave in the same way in the new house. Allegations would fly from both sides that they weren’t used to such things in their own homes.

Listen Mathaicha, many a time the fights that occur between the newly married couple actually do not take place between them. It’s a symbolic confrontation between the girl’s mother and the boy’s father. They are possessed by the ghosts of their parents. It’s another way of saying that they are influenced.

“Guru, what’s to be done then?”

They must understand how things stand and smash up their own cots. They must hack it with the axe of insight . You must advance, observing things impartially and being aware of your own behavior each moment. You’ll have to examine and correct your own involuntary, senseless behavior and dialogues and also the folly of extreme possessiveness about your partner.

You’ll have to make your double-cot of compatibility. Each part of the double-cot should be made with the intention of building a happy family. This may be called ‘consensus’.

So you need to see in your spouse not a wife, but the Parvathy in her objectively and accept her as such. On the other hand Gopala Pillai the individual should be accepted with all his strengths and weaknesses.

Mathaicha, your Guru proclaims that the wife you now have is the most suited for you. You deserve her. That’s all. She too wholly deserves the present one. If so, happiness and peace would reign.

Woe unto you, if you keep thinking and wishing if it were your wife’s younger sister or your husband’s friend.